FA Cup third round: Gillingham boss Stephen Clemence on loss of 'superstar' dad Ray..By Neil Johnston, BBC Sport.
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"He was a superstar on the pitch but to me he was dad, the leader of our family, and we miss him every single day," says Stephen Clemence, son of legendary goalkeeper Ray"It's the one regret I have," says Stephen Clemence, manager of Gillingham and son of legendary Liverpool, Tottenham and England goalkeeper Ray.
"Having watched me play in the Premier League, dad wanted to see me become a manager. I always said to him 'I'll do it when the time is right'."
On 1 November, Gillingham announced Stephen as head coach, the 45-year-old former Tottenham and Birmingham midfielder's first role as a boss.
Ray, who won five league titles and three European Cups with Liverpool between 1967 and 1981, had died three years earlier at the age of 72 with prostate cancer.
"In the last few weeks of dad's life he asked me again 'you are going to give management a go, aren't you?'," Stephen tells BBC Sport.
"He'd say 'make sure you do, you're more than capable'."
On Saturday, Gillingham will attempt to cause one of the biggest upsets of the weekend when the League Two club host Sheffield United, bottom of the Premier League, in the third round of the FA Cup (15:00 GMT kick-off).
"There have been moments while I've been here at Gillingham and moments in my personal life when I would have loved to talk to dad," adds Stephen.
"He was always great at giving advice. If he was still here he'd say to me the pressure is all on Sheffield United. Go and give it a good go."
ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/800/cpsprodpb/9B62/production/_132187793_ray11.pngRay Clemence won 61 England caps between 1972 and 1983, captaining his country on one occasion against Brazil at Wembley in 1981Ray Clemence was a key component of great Liverpool sides under Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley in the 1970s and early '80s that swept all before them at home and abroad, before he left to enjoy more success at Tottenham.
His legendary status with the Reds is recognised on the side of a house on the corner of Wylva Road, a stone's throw from Liverpool's Anfield ground.
A mural of the keeper smiling with his arms in the air is accompanied by a quote from Reds boss Shankly: "Ray had everything. He's quick, he doesn't wanna be beaten. He's just a great goalkeeper."
Stephen was aged three when his dad, after 14 years at Anfield, joined Tottenham in 1981.
He had a happy and exciting childhood watching his dad play, and remembers being on the pitch before the 1987 FA Cup final between much-fancied Spurs and Coventry at Wembley.
"Dad was desperate to win," he recalls.
"By then he'd already won two FA Cups - one with Liverpool in 1974 and one with Tottenham in 1982. He wanted to win it a third time so he could give my two sisters - Sarah and Julie - and I a winners' medal each to keep for the rest of our lives."
It was not to be.
In one of the most memorable finals in the competition's history, Coventry won 3-2.
"He was a superstar on the pitch because of the things he won," adds Stephen. "But to me he was dad, the leader of our family."
ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/800/cpsprodpb/A77B/production/_131957824_clem.pngStephen, aged nine, on the pitch at Wembley with his dad Ray, the Tottenham keeper, before the 1987 FA Cup final with CoventryRay, who won 61 England caps, passed away in November 2020 at home surrounded by his family.
He lived with prostate cancer for 15 years while raising awareness about the disease.
"I remember one Christmas he had a tumour removed from his brain after the cancer had started to spread," says Stephen, who was part of Steve Bruce's coaching staff at Newcastle when his dad died.
"He was on chemotherapy tablets for the last few years of his life, but he wasn't one to moan. He tried to be as positive as he could for his 10 grandchildren who he absolutely adored.
"We had a hospital bed brought into the family home and he was there for the last month of his life.
"Steve Bruce was great. I had some time off at Newcastle to look after dad and help support mum.
"We tried to keep spirits as high as we could for as long as we could, but it was not nice to see.
"We are an incredibly close family, and it was so hard for all of us to see him suffer, but he never complained. He was the strongest man I've ever known.
"As a family, we miss him every single day."
Stephen is encouraging men to get checked for prostate cancer.
According to Prostate Cancer UK, the disease affects one in eight men in the UK. Prostate cancer is not always life-threatening, but when it is, the earlier you catch it the more likely it is to be cured.
"I've been checked myself on a few occasions," adds Stephen. "If it's been in your family there is a higher risk of getting it. It's a silent killer.
"Men can live with prostate cancer for a good period of time without knowing they have got it. The earlier you can be diagnosed the more chance you have got of saving yourself."
ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/800/cpsprodpb/0B3B/production/_131957820_keeper.pngRay Clemence is considered by many Liverpool players and fans to be the greatest goalkeeper in the club's history, making 665 appearances between 1967 and 1981Saturday's cup tie is Stephen's 13th game in charge of Gillingham, who sit 10th in League Two, one point off a play-off place.
Highlights so far include a 2-0 win over League One Charlton Athletic in the second round of the FA Cup.
"When I was playing, management wasn't something I was thinking about," adds Stephen, who made 176 Premier League appearances in midfield for Birmingham City and Tottenham.
"I was very proud of the playing career I had. Dad always said he was pleased I didn't play in goal because he felt the comparison might have been tough to live up to.
"Unfortunately my playing career was cut short by injury at the age of 32.
"Steve [Bruce] took me to Sunderland to work with the under-21s. I went on this great journey with Steve where I ended up working with him for 12 years.
"I made up my mind at the end of last season I would apply to become a manager. I haven't come to Gillingham to finish mid-table.
"Success here is getting the team promoted. I've had promotions in my career as a player and a coach, and that's what I'm aiming to do here."
Among many other things, Stephen misses the post-match phone-calls he used to have with his dad.
"He'd always offer advice that would focus me on the next game, pick me up after a bad game, or keep my feet on the floor after a good game.
"He'd have loved this [his son being head coach of Gillingham]. He'd have been here every week wearing a Gillingham scarf.
"I hope he is watching from upstairs."
ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/800/cpsprodpb/F589/production/_132175826_stephen.pngGillingham boss Stephen Clemence made 176 Premier League appearances for Birmingham City and Tottenham Hotspur
