An alternative team

GK: Easily persuaded: got to be Esmond hasn’t it???
LB: Second worst player: Andy Spring. Actually the worst player ever, anywhere even in parks football but for some perverse reason I want him in my starting line up
CB: Loudest Player: not a clue so will have to guess. Andy Rammell looks as if he would have been a bellower
CB: Fattest Player: Bob Newton. Beats Josh Barrel by a Rizla
RB: Oldest Player: Miah Dennehy who was actually 53 when he played for us
LM: Only left footer: guessing here too. Either Neil Slatter or Lee Archer
CM: Best Player: Geoff Bradford though like Esmond before I was even a tadpole
CM: Captain: Vaughan Jones
RM: Fittest Player: yep - the Beard
ST: Fastest Player: meep meep - Kevin Gall
ST: Tallest Player: Mark Foran. Half man, half Giraffe
Sub: Worst Player: our road cone equivalent Rob Quinn

Fastest that I have seen, good shout for Curle, but Josh Low and Lewis Haldane equlay useful up front, Kevin Gall was fast over ten yards, which made you wonder why he was played on the right wing pushed up against a full back who could just kick him in to the stands. I would entertain submissions for Bobby Jones from those that had seen him.

Tallest and fattest are a matter of public record, it would be appear I forgot Gary Kenneth who is both fatter than Elliott and more suitable to a Sunday League team. Frazer Forster is officially tallest and heaviest, but is ruled inellgible due to be being a goalkeeper and a loanee. Mark Foran 6'4", Stuart Taylor, Chris MacLean 6'5".

Most Captainy, Tillson rules himself out by going missing in the biggest games (vs Huddersfield, Northampton). Tim Parkin trumps him for me as a centre back and I had already picked Vaughan Jones. Campbell put in Captains performances when needed and would deliberatley take a hit to relive pressure by running with the ball* and drawing a foul.


*we may need some further footnotes to explain that concept to younger viewers